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There’s Time to be Wasted

Saturday December 15 – 2001

For whatever reason people insist on asking me what time it is. Yes, I do in fact pride myself in wearing a wristwatch at all times. Do I mind telling you what time it is? Oh, goodness no. What would ever give you that idea? I don’t mind at all. That’s what I’m here for. I’m here for your pleasure and disposal, just like a walking, talking clock service, so you can at all times know, how much all the times are. My watch was given to me – as a gift by my mother, actually. And I’m very glad, that I have it. And I can really relate to, and understand, why you ask me instead of turning your head ninety degrees to the left to look at the clock on the wall. I suppose it’s too exhausting.

It’s unbelievable that my watch is more frequently used by other people than it is used by me. I use my watch, like I pee; when I need to. Not as a self-torturing device. The time won’t pass slower, nor will it pass faster, by looking at it every five minutes. That means if you look at it you only make it worse for yourself, no matter which you hope for. But if tormenting yourself really is so important to you, why don’t you simply buy a watch?

The worst case of self-delusiveness I’ve ever experienced happened in school. The teacher was babbling about God knows what. I was sitting on the left of him and this particular subject was sitting on his right side. The girl, strange and bored as she was, signalled me by holding up her left arm while continuously pointing at her wrist. How was I supposed to communicate my oh-so-important secret knowledge to her across the room without interrupting the equally important lesson? I didn’t know what else to do, so I threw my watch at her. Needless to say, the teacher found it just as disturbing to have a watch flying through the air right in front of him as he would if I had shouted at the top of my lungs.

-“Hi, friend. Do you have a clock?”

-“Yeah, so?”

-“Yeah, so what is it?”
-“Well, mine is a little round, silvery, digital thingie with a blue, oval surface.”
-“I know that but what time is it??!!”
-“It’s time to beat you to a bloody brain- and organ mass, if you don’t stop badgering me!”

Inspirations for this rant: Annoying people of the world.
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